


Run And Tell All Of The Angels.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Crack Fic, Mpreg, Weird Apocalypse Brothers, parthenogenesis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:00:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27359170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: The bitter blood feud between the Youngs and Johnsons of Lower Tadfield ended with the arranged marriage of their children. In which there is a pregnancy, a dashing rich American, and Greasy Johnson wishes someone would pay him to go away.
Relationships: Adam Young/Greasy Johnson, Warlock Dowling & Greasy Johnson & Adam Young
Comments: 12
Kudos: 21





	Run And Tell All Of The Angels.

**Author's Note:**

> Can I count this as a flashfic if I started this last year and only finished it tonight as an election-stress flashfic? The title is from Learn To Fly by the Foo Fighters. Warning for surprise pregnancy when one partner did not know it was an option.

1.

Their parents had agreed to it a decade before they'd been born. Deirdre and Lauren had hated each other since they were six years old. This wouldn't have been a problem except for the way their hatred spilled out onto the rest of their friends and family. For the sake of the peace in Tadfield, the Youngs and Johnsons had made a solemn promise to unite their families through the marriage of their children.

That all of them had been drunk at the time had hardly mattered. An agreement was an agreement.

And so it was that on October 31st, 2002, Adam Young solemnly married Greasy Johnson while The Them and The Johnsonites looked on in horror.

2.

Adam thought marriage was a really fun game. He'd never played much with Greasy; they'd copied the enmity of their parents, even though they'd known their parents had wanted them to get married. "Imagine if we were Romeo and Juliet!" Adam had said to Greasy once when they were nine and had gotten a bloody nose because of it.

Pepper had declared him hopeless.

Greasy seems to share that opinion. He'd made it perfectly clear that he was going along with the marriage because his parents wanted it so much, but that that was the end of it. He wasn't going to start liking Adam Young just because Adam was now his husband.

Adam considered how to start making himself likable but gave up after a few minutes. Greasy knew him too well to be convinced by Adam turning over a new leaf. Adam would just have to work on him slowly. Adam had a lot of natural charm, but it didn't work on someone who'd once had all his shoes stolen by The Them during a really boring school break.

3.

Adam decides to get pregnant after they've been married for three years. That seems a long enough lead time to him. It doesn't take much more than a few skeptical pokes at his stomach for him to start feeling something growing there. He'd asked his boss about it, since she used to work in a hospital, but all Miss Hodges had said was that pregnancy got started before she ever saw any of her patients. It seemed as much a mystery to her as it did to Adam, but that made sense, since she was a nun and Adam was an antichrist.

When Adam tells Greasy, Greasy thinks it's a really bad joke. Then Adam shows him the ultrasounds and Greasy thinks it's a really _elaborate_ bad joke.

Then Adam mentions the whole magical satanic powers part and Greasy walks out. He comes back an hour later with The Them and The Johnsonites, points at the kitchen table, tells Adam to sit, and then orders Adam to explain.

And so in front of his favorite friends and favorite enemies, Adam recites the whole story with only five digressions and six asides. The Johnsonites believe him more easily than The Them do, but that's Adam's fault for smoothing over what happened when they were eleven much too well. His friends had come to think of it as a game they'd played on one long hot August afternoon. It had been a fun game, but just a game. It hadn't been the end of the world, literally.

They each take the chance to punch him on the arm for messing with their heads.

And then Greasy says, with dawning horror, "you're _pregnant_."

Adam nods.

"We," Greasy enunciates carefully, "are going to have."

Adam nods again.

"A baby," Greasy finishes.

Adam gives him a thumbs-up.

Greasy looks at The Them. Greasy looks as The Johnsonites. Greasy looks at Adam. "I want a divorce," he says.

"Oh," Adam says. "Okay."

4.

Adam minds, but he minds in the way he always minds when a really great game ends. Yeah, you can only have so many games going on at one time before you lose track of what you're doing, and, yeah, games do wind down, but that just gives you the opportunity to start new games.

The Them don't think Adam's taking the divorce well, but Adam thinks he's taking it _great_. They're just separated for now; Greasy's mother had opinions on walking out on your pregnant husband. Greasy had told Adam that they'd been using protection for a reason, but Adam'd thought that reason was the safe sex lecture they'd gotten at age fifteen. Adam hadn't thought Greasy had meant it that way.

When Warlock comes to town looking for his birth family, Adam's sitting outside the library, kicking his feet against the steps, five months pregnant. Adam looks up. Warlock looks down.

Warlock's lips quirk. "Hi," Warlock says.

Adam clears his throat. "Hi," he says.

"You must be Adam Young," Warlock says and Adam preens, glad his reputation has spread even as far as wherever Warlock's from. Then Warlock holds out his hand to shake. "Warlock Dowling. I'm sort of your brother."

Adam takes his hand and grins. "Wicked. I got a spare room, wanna move in?"

5.

Adam had hoped Warlock would have good baby names, but all he can come up with are ones like Emily and Priscilla. It's not imaginative enough. The Them have a whiteboard going with their suggestions, which are so much better. Adam's brother has to work harder to hold up the family pride.

Pepper's suggestion of Falcon Young, aka Pepper Junior, has the most tally-marks. Adam's not sure Warlock can beat that even if he tries for years and years, which he isn't.

Greasy comes by sometimes, sitting on the edge of the sofa, looking sometimes green and sometimes flushed. He doesn't mind the name Falcon. He's not moving back in, not yet, he says. He spends a lot of time staring at Adam below the collarbone and above the knees.

Adam's mother had given him a very firm talking-to about the reasons for the marriage being to end the cold war in Tadfield, not turn it into a nuclear meltdown. Adam's mother had also burst into tears when she'd met Warlock and taken him by the hand and sat him down and interrogated him about his entire life, every friend he ever made, every person he ever met, every dream that was ever quashed by the harsh realities of existence. 

"You need to hurry up and give her a grandchild," Warlock had said, harried. "I'm too old to be one."

Warlock is a dashing rich American with an accent that's stuck somewhere in the Atlantic between London and Baltimore. Adam had had a triumphant moment when he'd been told Greasy has been jealous, but everyone in Tadfield knew by the next day that Warlock was Adam's long-lost sort-of-brother, and then Greasy probably stopped being jealous. Adam's done lots of stuff in his life, but he's only gonna sleep with one person he was switched at birth with. It was a fun game to play but probably best to only play it once.

 _Adam_ has a flash of a jealous moment when he sees Warlock looking Greasy up and down approvingly, like every Young's type is Greasy Johnson, and Adam had never been more glad that his diabolical powers were mostly under control these days, because Greasy is mad enough at him as it is. Adam doesn't want to court more trouble by getting in the way of Greasy's rebound with Adam's brother, the one the parental agreement was _supposed_ to have him married to. Adam's always wondered what it would be like to live in a soap opera. His life's got so much in it already, from childhood rivals getting married, to an unexpected pregnancy, to missing brothers coming home at last. All it needs would be Adam's husband sleeping with Adam's brother to complete the bingo card.

6.

Being pregnant is weird, but on the whole, Adam thinks, looking down at his -- their -- daughter, it wasn't that bad an idea. Maybe he'll do it again.

"Can we please just name her Peregrine instead?" Greasy asks hopelessly. He's still not really moved back in with Adam yet, but he's co-parenting their baby, so Adam figures they'll be reconciled in time for the emotional New Year's Eve episode of the soap opera of his life.

"Peregrine Falcon Young is the name of a bad 70s garage rock band," Warlock says. "I had photos of them on my wall."

Pepper gives Warlock an assessing look that has a lot of approval behind it and possibly some sexual tension, but that might just be the baby crying that's distracting Adam.

"And Falcon Young is a folk-rock duo," Greasy retorts.

Adam's boss had told him that it'd be more trouble than it was worth to have the father in the room. Adam's pretty sure Miss Hodges wouldn't be happy with Adam having the father, the uncle, and the assorted honorary aunts and uncles in the room either. He thinks he's beginning to see her point. He yawns and little Falcon yawns along with him.

"Falcon Johnson-Young is a stockbroker," puts in Wensleydale.

"Johnson Falcon Young is a law firm," Adam adds sleepily.

"You've already filled out the paperwork, didn't you, you antichrist," Greasy asks him. Adam gives him a thumbs-up and passes Falcon over for his other father to hold before he falls asleep in exhausted happiness.

7.

Falcon Lily Young is a cute kid. She climbs up the walls and hangs off the ceiling just like Adam had as a baby. When Greasy had first seen it, he'd had to sit down for a while, and then Adam's mother had come by. Adam had hoped she'd talk Greasy out of his hysterical laughter, but instead Adam's mother poured him some wine and started telling Greasy stories about Adam as a toddler that Adam had never heard before.

When Adam's mother tells them, they sound kinda... scary. But Adam remembers them! It had all been fine! So what that he'd gotten into weird places, he'd always been able to get down. And he'd only once turned himself orange when someone had told him that's what happened when you ate too many carrots, but it had all come out in the wash. Adam's childhood had been idyllic and perfect and nothing had ever gone wrong until he was eleven and even then, it hadn't stayed wrong for very long. There's nothing to worry about!

...It is kind of different when it's your kid, though. Huh.

Adam hadn't seen that coming.

8.

Warlock keeps sticking around.

"Don't you have things to do in America?" Greasy asks him one day when they're trying to get Falcon to spit out a CD that she'd turned into a cookie. The CD is the only copy of Adam and Greasy's wedding video they have left. Adam hopes it tastes good.

"I'm doing it here," Warlock says. "I'm a humor memoirist. This is all going to go in my next book."

"You'll have to sort it in the scifi/fantasy section instead," Greasy says.

"That's fine, I don't need the sales," Warlock says, winning the tug of war with Falcon only to end up with half a cookie and half a CD and Falcon looking disgruntled. "I'm rich and dashing and my parents paid me to go away."

Greasy and Adam exchange a look that says 'you can get your parents to do that? How?' Greasy and Adam's parents take turns coming to babysit. They only made the mistake once of scheduling them for the same day; the Johnsons and the Youngs still absolutely do not get along. Even grandchildren cannot fix all ills or heal all resentments, especially when they've been percolating since before the garage rock band Peregrine Falcon Young played their first and only gig, headlined by the folk-rock duo Falcon Young.

"How does that work?" Adam asks, openly fascinated in a way that gets Greasy to roll his eyes at him.

"It's an American thing," Warlock dismisses, knowing that Adam and Greasy don't know enough about rich Americans to call him a liar and that Adam thinks he lives in a soap opera.

"Wow, I wish I was an American," Greasy says. "I'd take their money and keep coming back." Thus proving the difference between the Johnsonites and The Them: _Adam_ would have taken their money and never left in the first place.

"You are an American," Warlock says. "I mean, technically. If my parents are yours, then you're an American."

Greasy pauses for a moment. Falcon complains about the lack of attention and Greasy swings her up absently.

"Warlock," Greasy says seriously. "Do you think your parents would pay for me to go away too? We should start saving for Falcon's university fees, my dad says."

9.

Warlock's book is called The Year I Moved To A Small English Town And Parented A Hell Spawn.

It doesn't sell well, except in Tadfield and in Baltimore, where Warlock's parents buy every copy to stop their friends from ever hearing that it exists.

They don't read it. If Warlock wanted them to know anything, they reason, he would send it with a canceled check.

10.

"We can name this next one Peregrine," Adam offers Greasy.

Greasy stares at him. "I didn't touch you," he says, which is true, he hadn't, they still haven't divorced but they still haven't _not-divorced_ either. Their marriage is a work in progress, like a game you're still figuring out the rules for. Which is fine with Adam. What's life without some change, right?

Then Greasy rubs his hands on his face. "Right, right. You're you. I forgot. Stop making me forget."

"I'm not, that's the denial," Adam says helpfully.

"How am I in denial, our daughter turned the dog into a cat," Greasy mutters. 

It's definitely the denial.

"And we're not doing themed names!" Greasy adds, much more in the spirit of things.

Warlock pokes his head in from the writing room that spontaneously came into existence after he complained about the rickety TV-dinner table he was using before for his profession. "Name her Copperfield."

Adam looks down at his stomach. "Huh. Yeah, okay. Sure. Copperfield Johnson." He liked the sound of that.

**Author's Note:**

> [this post on dreamwidth](https://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/1159215.html); [this post on tumblr](https://lannamichaels.tumblr.com/post/633723616040828928/run-and-tell-all-of-the-angels-lanna-michaels)


End file.
